When I was in the Philadelphia Church of God I met a single lady who lived in Michigan. She wanted to move to Ohio. She was single and had no one to help her move. I told her I would be glad to help. She was grateful for the offer but she said she had to contact minister Cal Culpepper for permission for me to help.
She said Culpepper told her the minister is the husband of single women in the church. You had to their approval just like you would your husband. I said do you have to ask him what kind of toilet paper to buy?
[Verse 1]
I met a single lady,
Up Michigan way.
She wanted to move to Ohio,
I said, “I’ll help any day!”
“I’ll carry all your boxes,
And load ’em in the truck.”
She said, “First I must call Culpepper.”
I said, “Well, that’s my luck!”
[Verse 2]
She told me what he’d told her,
And I nearly dropped my chair:
“The minister’s the husband
Of the single ladies there.
You need to get permission,
Like a wife would ask her man.”
I said, “I offered moving help—
Not a wedding band!”
[Chorus]
Does Cal approve the toilet paper?
Must you call before you buy?
Does he choose the quilted cushions?
Is two-ply aiming much too high?
I only came to move a sofa,
Now there’s paperwork to do!
If he’s everybody’s husband,
Who takes the trash out, too?
[Verse 3]
There’s a dresser in the hallway,
There’s a mattress by the door.
But we’re waiting on permission
To move boxes off the floor.
I brought a truck and muscles,
Thought that’s all we’d need.
Does the dolly need his blessing?
Does the packing tape agree?
[Chorus]
Does Cal approve the toilet paper?
Must you call before you buy?
Does he choose the quilted cushions?
Is two-ply aiming much too high?
I only came to move a sofa,
Now there’s paperwork to do!
If he’s everybody’s husband,
Who takes the trash out, too?
[Spoken, amused]
“So… do you have to ask him
What kind of toilet paper to buy?”
[Outro]
Michigan to Ohio,
Should’ve been an easy haul—
But apparently the moving truck
Had to wait for Cal’s phone call!
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