Ordained and Five Dollars

 

Ordained and Five Dollars (song)

Click Here For The Song

I AM AN  ORDAINED MINISTER

I was consecrated, that is, set apart and elevated from the laity class (that’s you) to the clergy.  I’m UP HERE, You’re down their,

And as such I am authorized to perform religious rites and ceremonies. 

I can even perform marriages in all 50 states. 

I am just as much a “minister” as Flurry or Culpepper. 

So being an “Ordained Minister” and $5 will get you a cup of coffee. In other words, it means NOTHING if you don't obey Yahweh. If someone claims to be a “minister” and goes against Yahweh or spews out FALSE PROPHECIES they are NOT of Yahweh.

But being an ORDAINED MINISTER sounds nice and HOLY doesn’t it. 

Makes you want break out your checkbook and bow down.

[Spoken Intro]
Please rise!
An ordained minister has entered the room.
Actually, stay seated—
I printed the certificate this afternoon!

[Verse 1]
I’ve been consecrated, elevated,
Officially authenticated!
You’re the laity, I’m the clergy,
Please admire my holy turkey!

I’m up here and you’re down there,
See my fancy folding chair?
Put it on a little stand—
Now I’m twice as close to heaven as any man!

[Chorus]
I’m an ordained minister, look at me!
Got a title and a pedigree!
But my holy paper and five bucks, see,
Will buy one regular cup of coffee!

Don’t bow down or write that check,
I’ve got no halo round my neck!
A title’s easy, truth takes more—
Yahweh knows what’s behind that door!

[Verse 2]
Flurry, Culpepper, move aside,
There’s another title on this ride!
Mine looks mighty fine in a frame—
But a fancy label ain’t a holy claim!

If I preach what Yahweh didn’t say,
That certificate won’t save the day!
If my prophecy falls flat again,
Don’t call it truth and shout “Amen!”

[Chorus]
I’m an ordained minister, look at me!
Got a title and a pedigree!
But my holy paper and five bucks, see,
Will buy one regular cup of coffee!

Don’t bow down or write that check,
I’ve got no halo round my neck!
A title’s easy, truth takes more—
Yahweh knows what’s behind that door!

[Spoken Bridge]
The coffee fellow asked my name.
I said, “The Reverend Doctor Most Elevated!”
He said, “Fine.
You want cream with that?”

[Final Chorus]
I’m an ordained minister—big hooray!
Still gotta walk the honest way!
Serve the people, tell what’s true—
That’s worth more than a title glued!

Keep your checkbook, keep your seat,
Nobody needs to kiss my feet!
My grand credentials and five bucks, see—
Still buy one regular cup of coffee!

[Spoken Outro]
What do you mean, six dollars?
Did the coffee get ordained too?

Ordained and Five Dollars (song)

Click Here For The Song